Armageddon: Heroic meteor saves Earth from Bruce Willis.
Battlefield Earth: Like Braveheart
if Mel Gibson had an ongoing aneurism.
Bubba Ho-Tep: Elvis-Fu and a cowboy
wheres the problem?
Butterfly Effect: Dude, wheres
Cabin Fever: Outbreak meets Deliverance,
and not in a good way.
Charlies Angels 2: More helium
than Goodyears blimp fleet.
Critters: Somebody put bear-trap
teeth on Tribbles
the Klingons will be most displeased.
Dog Soldiers: Proving the only effective
way to fight werewolves is with a British accent.
Dungeons & Dragons: Eight-year
olds consider this movie puerile.
Equilibrium: Slipstream pic and damn
cool gun-fu sequences
House of the Dead: The video-game
had better depth, characterization, tempo, lighting, acting and
plotting, and its cheaper to watch someone else play it.
Jason X: I am Borg, you will be decapitated
Last Samurai: Why is it every white
man transited in a foreign culture ends up by teaching the natives
about their own principles?
Lock, Stock & Two Smoking Barrels:
Everything sounds cool in Cockney.
Lord of the Rings Trilogy: Sean Astin
in homoerotic situations
Malcolm X: This is the Oscars calling,
Mr. Lee... wed like to screw you out of some much-deserved
Matrix Trilogy: The good, the bad
and the ugly.
Mimic: Now if this monster can mimic
a good movie, that would be impressive!
Night/Dawn/Day/Land of the Dead:
Are we dead yet? Are we dead yet? Are we dead yet?....
Paycheck: The last one Ben Affleck
should collect if he keeps acting in movies like this.
Pirates of the Caribbean: Johnny
Depp plays Keith Richards meets Pepe Le Pew playing a pirate.
Princess Bride: Gamer flicks before
Peter Jackson put us on the radar.
Snatch: The first movie-title the
porn industry couldnt rework.
Star Wars: Phantom Menace: You there
show me what youve written!
Star Wars: The Clone Wars: That sucked!
can you do better?
Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith: Hmm
maybe Im better off writing them myself.
T3: Sky-Net plots to destroy the world
by electing the Terminator into office
Tears of the Sun: Yet another, Thank
God for white people movie.
Underworld: Ill wait here while you
transform into a werewolf
take your time.
Underworld: Revolutions: Oh God, hes
undressing a Goth
thisll take hours!
Volcano: Im rooting for the volcano
thats not a good sign.
Way of the Gun: Yet another Quentin Tarantino
I havent seen these movies, but suspect
Crotch-watching at a retirement-home
A paper-cut across my eyeball.